After staging a daring escape from Utah, Haynes came to LA to make it in the haberdashery business. When that didn't work out, he created this website. He is also a screenwriter, traveler, amateur chef, failed FBI applicant, successful operator of laser pointer/cat, bicycle enthusiast, lion trainer, art-porn director, boozehound, bon vivant, and the only person ever to do something utterly inappropriate at Burning Man. After being horribly disfigured in the Great Haberdashery Fire of 2006, he is never seen without his Optimus Prime mask.
Haynes is a Capricorn.
Born in the dusty foothills of Washington D.C., Jon has been living in Los Angeles for nearly eight years. After spending three of those years too terrified to drive he has since grown accustomed to the horror that is LA freeway driving and now loves exploring everything the city has to offer. He currently lives in Los Feliz and is well on his way to conquering all eighteen miles of the infamous Los Feliz/Silverlake/Echo Park stair walks. He often wishes that the Kogi BBQ truck would start its own short-rib centric religious commune, but realizes he'll just have to make do with their delicious kimchi short rib burritos.
You can find him on Tumblr, here.
RoboNixon is more man than machine, and more crook than not. Originally constructed in Santa Monica before relocating to Connecticut during his younger and more vulnerable years, RoboNixon has since returned to the Southland. RoboNixon currently resides in Los Feliz where he openly mocks hipsters for their silly facial hair and hilariously proportioned genitalia.
RoboNixon is the centaur that shoots arrows at the scared, less powerful Zodiac signs.
Marcy hails from the other California. The Northern one. Greater Sacramento, to be broadly specific. What's that? You've been? Oh, you've only driven through? Keep driving. She did. And said driving landed her here, in Hollywoodland, where dreams go to die and prom queen runner-ups learn they're really just mediocre-looking. Marcy is a screenwriter, illustrator, and graphic designer who is occasionally known to make a fool of herself on camera. She's big on skee-ball, building forts, cars, and going to grocery stores. A lot. Batteries not included.
Marcy is a Taurus.
Joe comes from the means streets of Long Island. He currently resides somewhere between the fourth and fifth dimension working as a writer, an independent producer and as a sensitive and caring lover. Oft inspired by the novels of Ernest Hemingway, the films of Paul Schrader and the interstellar travel of Doctor Who, Joe's own adventures have placed him at the center of many feature articles in his local Pennysaver. When he's not clipping coupons or brushing his teeth, he valiantly tries to make this world a slightly better place by calling into conservative radio talk shows and telling everyone why they're wrong.
He is a Libra, but yet often feels unbalanced.
Raised in Fat Country (read: Texas), Joyce migrated to Los Angeles at the ripe, angsty age of 17 in pursuit of bands featuring tambourines and good-looking drummers. Eight years later, she has sworn off musicians and resides in Los Feliz. Joyce is: a baby lover, a third world traveler, a lost musician, a shameless hunter of bargains, a slum foodie, a lover of lists, grossly unfunny, and often barefoot. She's obsessed with terrible movies of the sci-fi and/or action variety, with a particular fondness for SyFy's Sharktopus. (Seriously, how could you not love this?)
Joyce is a self-loathing Capricorn.
Leo loves cradling pillows gently, a pasttime he has pursued ever since he was born in the Soviet Union. Surprisingly no one in LA is down to start a collective farm, even in Silverlake. He drove to LA from Boston where he grew up, and no he was not in "The Town" or "The Departed", but he was an audience member in "The Fighter." He came to this fair city to attempt a cliché career in comedy, complete with a terrifying downward spiral. You can usually find him awkwardly introducing himself to people outside of UCB, but he is excited to explore anything this city has to offer, Pauly Shore or otherwise.
Leo is a Libra and is indeed passionate, but only about secret taco trucks.
Birthed amidst the oil fields and dinosaur bones of the prairies of
Canada, John eventually made his way to New York City to learn the
ways of the film industry and meet artsy girls. After failing at both these goals, he did what men in his position have done for time
immemorial – he moved to Los Angeles to try doing it again. He spends
his time searching for the perfect Greek place, the best Boba Tea
joint, and where the Comfort Truck has gotten today. John is
either a Sagittarius or a Scorpio, depending on which zodiac calendar
you subscribe to and which one got the better horoscope this week.
Molly was raised in Chicago by a single father, and when she tries to do things like put on makeup or walk in heels, it shows. While trying to make a living in Los Angeles as a writer, she's also worked as a personal assistant, an executive assistant, an assistant's assistant, and as a shopkeeper in a Harry Potter store, where she peddled fake wands and jelly beans in a multitude of disgusting flavors. She currently lives in Culver City, where her prize possession is a Labyrinth-era David Bowie action figure. She loves Ms. Pacman and spinach empanadas. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Molly is an Aries, except for that day everyone on facebook went batshit about the Zodiac shift. That day, she was a Pisces. She did not enjoy it.
Nikolai is a goddamn foreigner who moved to Los Angeles for college, and liked it so much he decided to stick around. When not drinking in bars that used to be power plants or bank vaults, he reads non-fiction and writes screenplays with really bummer endings (but trust me, he's totally chill in person.) Nikolai is an elitist, atheist, big-government liberal arts major who hates America, but loves college football. He also enjoys the musical stylings of deadmau5, Esquivel, and Phil Collins-era Genesis.
Nikolai thinks astrology is ridiculous. He writes to make the voices go away.