A Reason To Wake Up (And Get Help Doing It)

Hey hipsters.  Here's a reason to go west of Vermont.

Coffee.  No, like, the really serious kind.

If you sip espresso with a measure of scrutiny usually reserved for wine, then you must bring your discerning palette to Coffee Commissary.  It's the type of establishment that treats brewing your beans like an art form.  You'll know this is the case before even getting a taste.  How?  Well, because some of the baristas have finely kempt mustaches-- that's how.

The beverage menu is pretty straightforward.  No blenders, so no frou frou frappablendedwhatevers.  What they do have, is coffee brewed by the cup via hand pour, cold brew iced coffee, and velvety espresso.

If you need a little nourishment to sponge up your caffeine, they also offer Coolhaus ice cream sandwiches, homemade granola, and an assortment of delicious pastries from local bakeries (if there's only one bran muffin left, I'll arm wrestle you for it).

Located in the 801 complex at N. Fairfax and Waring, with abundant seating and free underground parking (cue chorus of angels), you really have no reason to go to the unmentionable.  Ever again.

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•WHAT: Really amazing coffee.  Really.
•WHERE: Coffee Commissary, 801 N. Fairfax Ave #106, 90046
•WHEN: Open daily, 7 a.m. to 8 p.m.
•$$$: $2 - $4

Be Here.... Now

Whatever you're doing this Saturday -- brain surgery, vounteering at a soup kitchen, putting out a tenement fire -- drop that nonsense and get over to the Silent Movie Theater, where they'll be screening Neil Breen's masterwork of creative punctuation, I Am Here.... Now.

It's the story of an alien (played by writer-director-producer-caterer-former Las Vegas real estate salesman Breen), who created Earth as a social experiment thousands of years ago and has.... now.... returned to see the results. Horrified to discover a world overrun with environment-killing corporations, dirty politicians, greedy power brokers, and black gangstas who shamelessly corrupt innocent white women, the Christ-like "Being" takes matters into his own hands and decides to... just start cold cappin' motherfuckers. You can delight in the fan-made trailer here.

I have personally seen this movie over four times since buying it on DVD, and I can assure you, nothing else like it exists in our universe. (Except for maybe Double Down, Breen's debut film, which features the tagline: "The controversial story of a lone genius who closes down the Las Vegas strip.... The government can't stop him... As he reunites with his dead girlfriend each night.") Is that the sound of you reserving tickets I hear?

Breen, a true outsider artist with a genuinely unique vision of the world (and a directing style that has been described as "like having a conversation with someone who doesn't know any verbs"), will be there in person for a Q&A. Hopefully, he'll be able to give us some insight into the messianic psychological tendencies of his characters, or maybe explain why none of them ever wear sleeves.

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• WHAT: Watch Tommy Wiseau get a run for his money with I Am Here.... Now
• WHERE: The Silent Movie Theater -- 611 North Fairfax Avenue, LA 90048
• WHEN:  Saturday, February 19th at 10:30 PM
  
• $$$:  $10 a ticket -- get 'em here
  

Watch Your Back, Pancakes

How often do you ask yourself, “I wonder what would happen if I melted cheese on that?”  If you’re like me, the answer is roughly 72% of all waking hours.  Fortunately for us, when the “that” in question is an authentic Liege Belgian waffle, the fine folks at Shaky Alibi “Coffee Bar and Wafflerie” have the answer.

Who knew Belgium was a bi-waffled nation?  Apparently, the batter-based confection we’ve come to call Belgium hails specifically from Brussels.  Meanwhile, Liege-dwelling Belgians begin their waffles with a yeast-based dough.  But, before you chain yourself to the Brussels bandwagon and declare a waffle-based Belgian civil war, we insist you head to the Fairfax District for a bite of the Liege variety.

Shaky Alibi takes the aforementioned dough, coats it in Belgian pearl sugar, then slowly, lovingly (dare we say sensually) cooks it in a heavy-duty iron.  Said sugar melts, caramelizing the waffle into something resembling a heaven-flavored grid of joy pockets, ready to be topped with your choice of powdered sugar, fresh fruit, or an array of imported Belgian spreads.  If you ask nicely (or, simply order it off the menu), they’ll slice that thing length-wise and turn it into an ice cream sandwich.  For those desiring a savory option, Shaky Alibi will sandwich melted cheese and meat between your sweet crispy waffle.  Insert shudder of delight.

Let’s not forget the “Coffee Bar” portion emblazoned on their storefront.  Locally roasted and ground to order, the coffee and espresso drinks will please the most discerning caffeine fiend. 

It’s not a quick cup of coffee nor is it a waffle produced with freezer-to-toaster expediency.  But it is worth the wait.  Shaky Alibi will have you imploring your Eggo thief to “Go ahead and hang on to that.”

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• WHAT: Liege Waffles and Amazing Coffee at Shaky Alibi
• WHERE: 7401 Beverly Blvd.  LA CA 90036 (corner of Beverly and Martel)
• WHEN: Sun 9-5, Mon 8-5, Tues-Thurs 8-7, Fri-Sat 8-11
• $$$: Waffles $5.50+, Savory Waffles $8.75+, Coffee $2.25+