The Diner of Your Dreams

You’ve dreamt of this place. The local eatery. Patrons at a U-shaped formica counter. Hustling waitresses call you “baby” and ask how you’re doing.  They have no need to ask what you’re ordering because they know your name and “the usual.” You see other regulars there: the Police Chief; the Young Hipster Couple; The Guy Off the Night Shift on His Way Home. They might know your name. You might know theirs. But to all of you, this diner, this restaurant, is home.

Your dream is real. Nick’s Café has been serving up yummy grub just north of Chinatown in Elysian Park since 1948.  The kind of place that takes diner staples – ham & eggs, corned beef hash, chilaquiles, burgers – and ups the elbow grease. Nick’s makes everything, homemade. Particularly the ham. Let that settle in for a moment.

They make. Their own. Ham. 

Ham is the signature item at Nick’s. The breakfast ham steak is succulent, sweet, and doesn’t taste like it’s been pumped full of chemicals to keep it dangling in the cooler at Ralph’s for months.

Another specialty is the corned beef hash. Again, homemade. Dotted with anis seeds, it’s the kind of corned beef hash your grandma would have made. Which isn’t to say it’s made with love. But it sure tastes like maybe they sprinkled some on top.

Of course, both the ham and the corned beef hash are best served over toasted, buttered English muffins, topped with perfectly poached and fresh hollandaise sauce with a side of cottage fries or hashbrowns. The “regular” eggs benedict and the M.C. benedict, respectively, are must-tries.  The waitress will pull a bottle of homemade salsa out of the Coke cooler under the counter and suggest you try it with your meal. You will. And your mouth will burn a little bit (all those pepper seeds will do that), but you’ll remark to the couple sitting next to you how fresh it tastes. Did they make this here? Of course they did. They make everything here!

Make sure to get to Nick’s early; Sad is the occasion when you sit and prepare to order only to hear that “Benedicts are 86ed.” The ham steak and eggs, chilaquiles, and biscuits & gravy are all great. For the ambitious there’s always the Pan San: three pancakes stuff with two eggs, and bacon, sausage, or ham. Oh, and free coffee on the weekends.

When you dream of that place your town never had, the place with the sassy waitresses busting the busboys’ balls, and you want something that tasted like humans made it from scratch and with love, Nick’s is your place.

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• WHAT: Delicious Old-School Diner (Breakfast & Lunch)
• WHERE: 1300 North Spring Street, Downtown
  
• WHEN: Monday-Friday 5:30am-3pm, Saturday & Sunday 6:30am-4pm
• $$$: Approx. $15 per person (with tip)

Charlie The Unicorn: Back In Action

Last year, we made a big brouhaha about Charlie The Unicorn -- a Burning Man art-car spearheaded (so to speak) by intrepidLA fairy godmother DivaDanielle, designed as a big pink double-decker dance floor replete with DJ booth, candy-cane stripper poles, and a horn that shoots fire. Suffice to say, many, many good times were had on that fucking unicorn.

Now the question is -- how do the good people of Camp Charlie keep those good times going for the rest of us?

Answer: Invaded By Unicorns, a fundraiser party at the Red Loft this Saturday night. Hold onto your kidneys, because if Charlie's gonna keep bringing joy to the playa, he's gotta keep himself in good repair.

Reason #1 to get out there: The Red Loft is the sexiest venue in downtown LA -- a crimson tinged den of mischievous iniquity, tucked away several stories above the fashion district. Reason #2: tag-team sets by Joplin & Erik Nelson and DivaDanielle & Nick the Neck (the tech-house alter ego of indie-remix king Pumpkin.) Reason #3: Saynt, who is rapidly becoming one of our favorite house DJs on the planet.

Reason #4: anyone who says they don't want to ride around the desert on a bass-bumping unicorn that shoots flames into the night is... deeply misguided. Get to the Red Loft and help keep the dream rolling.

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• WHAT: Fundraiser dance party
  
• WHERE: The Red Loft (RSVP for location)
  
• WHEN: Saturday 14th of January, 10 PM-4 AM
  
• $$$: $10
  

I, Ninety-Nine

I didn’t take it seriously at first; the “Occupy Wall Street” demonstration struck me as yet another Anonymous prank that would blow over.  When it arrived in LA, I heard protesters on the radio claiming they were following in the footsteps of the Arab Spring, with no unified agenda beyond, “fuck the rich, man.”  But weeks passed and the occupiers remained, planning a march for October 15th, the Global Day of Action.  With the movement expanding to over 1500 cities this past Saturday, I had to see what the buzz was about.

I was late, of course, and Pershing Square was a ghost town shortly after noon, but when I glanced up to 4th Street, I saw them.  You couldn’t miss us: one among 15,000, I marched through the historic core with the 99 Percenters, as they beat their drums and chanted, “Whose streets?  Our streets!”  “This is what democracy looks like!” and, to the nervous residents peering out from their lofts, “Join us!”

Nothing exemplified LA’s response to the OWS crowds better than Tent City: the park in front of City Hall -- and across the street from the LAPD’s downtown HQ -- looked less like a center of government than like UC Santa Cruz during Earth Week.  Hundreds of tents covered the grass while the steps of City Hall hosted public speakers, artists, and musicians (also, Moontribe.)  City ordinance forbids sleeping in a public park after 10:00 PM, but faced with the logistics of moving the squatters off every night, our city council unanimously declared, “Whatevs.  Keep on truckin’.”  The city’s cooperation, at least for now, runs in stark contrast to events in other cities: 141 arrests in Boston, 175 in Chicago, riots in Italy...but aside from some harassment in Long Beach, not one arrest or outbreak of violence has detracted from OLA’s kumbayah spirit.  May that remain the case.

The problem with naming a movement the “99 Percent” is that practically anyone can claim membership, and among the many educated occupiers legitimately protesting American plutocracy, there were pockets of truthers, chemtrailers, and even anti-Semites.  I knew I hadn’t completely drunk the Kool-Aid when I attempted to get some cash, only to find the ATMs barricaded by a splinter rally.  It would have taken me too long to explain to my hippie brethren how I wanted to “liberate my hard-earned money from BofA’s greedy hands, and then maybe get a pizza or something.”

In spite of my trepidations, I reminded myself how I long lamented the laziness of American progressives and their inability to voice their grievances, surrendering all the political oxygen to the teabaggers.  Yes, the 99ers’ goals remain unclear, and it remains to be seen how long this good old-fashioned demonstration will last, but at least they’re making their voices heard.  Follow suit.

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•WHAT: Occupy Los Angeles
•WHERE: 200 N. Spring St, LA 90012
•WHEN: The forseeable future
•$$$: FREE

Uncasing Nomadé's Artifacts

You’d walk right past it without a second glance, but like all best secret headquarters, it’s hiding in plain sight.  Red paint bleeds down the front of the studio entrance, and the block-lettered name stencilled up top confirms I’m in the right place: I’ve found the Nomadé Batcave.

In contrast to their cold, defiant avatars, the men (ladies? androids?) of the mask prove to be excellent hosts.  They apologize repeatedly for the mess, but I don’t notice it; I’m too busy staring at their new pieces.  The Nomadé have perfected their future-retro, Greco-Roman iconography, and their latest cuttings include gorgeous wood panel mounts (a fitting medium for them) featuring meticulously chaotic compositions, and striking art deco reinterpretations of their classic tableaux.  While we can’t show you pictures yet, you’ll get to see (and snag) them yourself at “Recent Artifacts”, the collective’s inaugural solo show kicking off this Saturday.

It’s a homecoming of sorts for Nomadé at Hold Up Art, having shared the space at last year’s Marxist Glue show with fellow luminaries like Shark Toof, Eddie Colla, and Skullphone.  This time, however, the Paste-Up Phalanx has the Little Tokyo gallery all to themselves, and the uninitiated cannot pass up this opportunity to pass this show by.

We’ve made no secret that we’re big Nomadé fans at IntrepidLA; even the laptop on which I’m writing this article proudly bears one of their stickers.  Why?  Perhaps the very title, Recent Artifacts, sums it up: many cultural snobs turn their noses at Los Angeles for lacking in history, when in fact our town’s brief existence has been consistently colorful, energetic, and tumultuous.  Marrying bold, classical imagery with decaying urban landscapes, Nomadé’s portfolio reflects the spirit of their adopted city: a vibrant, cosmopolitan metropolis intimately aware of its own mortality.

Based on our conversation, wherein discussions were held of moving beyond ink on canvas into new mediums, the next step in Nomadé’s artistic evolution, and their most exciting work, is still ahead.  For now, “Recent Artifacts” shall be a tribute to their great accomplishments thus far.  We have no doubt that opening night will be a blast.

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•WHAT: The Nomadé’s world-premiere solo showcase, “Recent Artifacts”
•WHERE: Hold Up Art, 358 E. 2nd St., LA 90012
•WHEN: Opens Saturday, July 23rd from 7:00 -- 11:00 PM; runs through August 18th
•$$$: FREE!

Rock Your 'Bawdy'

This week's theme of taking pride in your slut-hood continues! The San Francisco-based pervert brigade Bawdy Storytelling is loading up the Deviant-mobile and trucking down to LA to grace us with a night of spoken-word sexual (mis)adventure -- or as their website describes it, "a one-night-stand with The Moth and Savage Love." The line-up includes porn star/author Nina Hartley, tantra guru Kamala Devi, a transgendered superhero... and most importantly, you. That's right, anyone with a ten-minute-or-less story to tell, and the balls/feminine-equivalent-thereof to tell it -- be it your most sensational sexploit or biggest carnal catastrophe -- can get on the mic. (Contact Dixie@BawdyStorytelling.com for more details.)

The theme for Saturday is Californicatin', with stories focusing on our sexual mores here on the West Coast. Which means there's never been a better time to tell that one about why you have a lifetime ban from the trolley at The Grove.

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• WHAT: A night of oral awesomeness at Bawdy Storytelling 
  
• WHERE: Abundant Sugar (Brewery Arts Complex) 618A Moulton Ave 90031
• WHEN: Saturday, June 4th, 7 PM -- 10 PM
  
• $$$: Tickets are $10 -- get 'em here