Pick My Poison For Me

For all the bars available to Angelenos, rare is the occasion to experience true mixologists show off their skills. Many watering holes have “signature cocktails”, but then, so does TGI Friday’s. With no guarantee of a bartender’s ability, I usually stick to martinis, a cocktail anyone not wearing a wrist-brace can manage. Or scotch, because even the most inept fedora-wearing bar jockey can manage “pouring liquid into a glass.”

But then there’s Varnish, a dark room hidden behind an unmarked door at the back of Cole’s. In the post-Foursquare era, the concept of a hidden speakeasy is little more than an affectation, but Varnish plays the part beautifully. Dark wood booths, just enough light to make eye contact, a piano...you could see Phillip Marlowe interrogating a lead in its shadowy corners.  But it’s the bartenders that keeps the Varnish relevant in an oversaturated DTLA market.

Go ahead, ask them to make you any drink with your choice of base alcohol. You can specify further, like if you prefer your drinks smoky or fruity, but stay vague and have faith. I never would have ordered something called a “Mamie Taylor”, but the combination of scotch, lime juice and ginger beer was refreshing and energizing. Strong too; no self-respecting cocktail artist waters down their creations.

When challenged to produce two absinthe cocktails, the bartender flipped through their massive tome of concoctions and brought me a Deep Sea, a briny combination of vermouth, gin, absinthe and orange bitters. Decent, but my roommate received a Remember the Maine, a smoky masterpiece of rye whiskey, sweet vermouth, absinthe and cherry Heering.

Grab a seat by the bar, where unmarked vials of colorful spirits snatched from some medieval apothecary are stirred, not shaken, with a giant cube of ice.  Orange peels held over matches pop into flame, and egg whites are whipped into foam. Some orders may take nine or ten steps, but it’s worth the wait.

When I eat out, I order food I have neither the skill nor the time to prepare myself. Similar standards should apply to ordering drinks, though few places justify such trust. But here, in a small room behind a by-the-numbers pub, you can trust these master chemists to dazzle you with inebriants not seen since the 1890s.

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• WHAT: Best damn cocktails in the city at The Varnish
• WHERE: 118 East Sixth St., Los Angeles, 90014
• WHEN: 7 PM - 2 AM daily
• $$$: $12 per "bartender's choice" cocktail (plus a hefty tip)